Remember that the majority of charitable organisations in this world that help alleviate human suffering were started by Christians. Lastly I guess I just want to remind you and readers that I have written this blog as a pastor of a small flock of people over whom I have oversight and care. I want them to be able to live out their Christian lives with integrity and joy. It is to them I have addressed this blog.
Mate, thanks for being brave and kind in your comments and willing to engage. Of course if the said Christian couple prattles on about their sexual purity to everyone then goes on holiday alone together, there might be a few jokes and eye-rolling but that would be probably about it. Life would go on. Ironically enough, if there were a few passages in the Bible that basically said it was okay for people to have committed sexual relationships outside of marriage, there would probably be less pent up sexual frustration amongst pre-married Christians — I for one would certainly be less frustrated.
The average age of Christian marriages would probably be a bit older as well. Would there still be plenty of sexual brokenness? I would say so. It comes from where the human heart is. One could be married and rape their spouse and one could be unmarried and have some of the most blissful, satisfying and giving sex on the planet.
The married person who has just raped their spouse? We love to manufacture middle class Christian morality by inferring a great deal of meaning from selected passages from scripture to support a worldview that has been influenced by a method of interpreting scripture, that for Evangelical Christianity stems largely from a Calvanistic influence. The amount of guilt and shame she had wrapped with her sexual identity was depressing — and she had never even had sex!
And just for the record, was still a virgin after we broke up — tried my best to be respectful while balancing this with my libido and previous experience kicking in. In fact, the general amount of guilt about all aspects of life that many Christians tend to have is rather saddening. I have just observed this from general conversations with people in Christian circles. Of course, if two people want to wait until they are married and not go on holidays alone together, then they should totally stick to that. Whatever is important for them in their walk with Christ.
And this is why I now tend to avoid dating Christian girls as 1.
Should unmarried Christian couples holiday alone together?
Probably the root cause to all this, is that I have a problem with authority! This is where I sigh, and go, I should just give this all to God and continue on for another day. Thanks for your post. I really sympathise with your frustration and can understand why the inner wrestle you feel is ultimately a theological one: Firstly, I want to commend you on not walking away completely.
And secondly, I want you to know that even if you feel like a failure on this standard of morality that biblical Christians espouse whether you agree with it or not , the God of the same Bible who espouses this morality nevertheless loves you unconditionally and wants relationship with you, warts and all. We need to own that we all fail in many ways sexually virgin or not but that Jesus is a great Saviour and still loves us and forgives us by his perfect sacrifice in our place on the cross.
As I wrote above in reply, the biblical view of sex belongs to a broader view of marriage. It does make sense, but only when you put it in the context of a web of other things that constitute the Christian worldview on relationships. When I was married, I wanted even more sex than my husband provided and he provided quite a lot. So you can imagine what it was like for me when I lost him. I greatly desired sex, but had no desire to do it with anyone other than him, and he since he obviously was unavailable…. I wonder if the commenters here will be looking back with hindsight and questioning the wisdom of their stridency here.
I found dating incredibly hard, and throwing fuel on that fire with a holiday alone would have been incredibly silly. Hello, thank you for giving your readers a chance to respond. Hi Clarie83 — I think you have missed a big reason for why he has made these suggestions, you have eluded to why the writer made the suggestions too.
He has made these suggestions for how we should live so that in the short term we live happier in the long term. Purity is the biggest trap of them all! If we do not made fail safes to make sure we are pure now, we will struggle not only now but also in the long term too. I was married in Yet the couples who had sex regularly, and who were pregnant when they got married, never had any say a word to them. They hid their true colours, until the pregnancy could no longer be hidden.
Everyone would praise their godliness in relationships, no one ever questioned what they were getting up to, and even after they were married and popped out a few months or even a few weeks after the wedding, no one ever said a word to them. Even lending my then-fiancee my car when I had a day off uni and my parents could drive me wherever needed, was somehow twisted as to somehow meaning we must be having sex together. We got engaged in and had planned to publicly announce our engagement on my birthday. I was stunned — mainly because there were many girls my age in the church who were engaged and some as young as 16 were dating men in the church more than 10 years older than them and they were not given this lecture.
He Said-She Said: Unmarried and Vacationing Together
Yet the girls who gush over every guy they meet and who sadly were having premarital sex, nothing was ever said to them, because their very obvious interest in snagging a man was interpreted as maturity. When I announced my engagement a week after that grill session with the ladies from my church, I could see the embarassment on their faces. While all the couples around me played all cool in public and were the ones having sex. I mean seriously… how can holding hands in public imply that a couple is having sex? But no chance of any hanky-panky. The unmarried boys slept in one room at the entire opposite end of the house, and I shared a room with my young daughter.
Because apparently sitting on a bed with three other in the bed, five right next to you doing a bible study must mean that you and your fiancee are having sex together! Hi Julie, I am saddened to hear about the kind of judgmentalism and real legalism of the church you described. I believe that in my church and the churches most of my friends attend, this is the case. Until then I wait… for sex, marriage and a good church.
Yes it affords us some protection against the emotional pain of intimate relationships, but in turn it deprives us of the joys of these same relationships. Of course if Christian opinion turns out to be correct, then you will reap the benefits in the afterlife. And thanks for your story Julie. I guess although I hold different views to most others who have commented on this blog actually I have genuinely no idea how I found myself here! There is nothing wrong with a shiny, clean exterior but if too much value is placed on that I guess you can miss what is actually valuable.
Hi Krystabelle, as a pastor my income is LESS than the median income for Australians, so if a higher than average income is considered rich, then no. However, God does richly provide my family and I more than enough and we consider ourselves very rich by standards of the world. Wow, yes Pete, Im for everything you said. It really requires discipline and surrendering everything before the cross, being a God chaser above all. Thanks for taking the uncompromising stand for Jesus.
Bro great article but personally I think you are just hitting on the surface issue. Anything that does not copy or model after the church in acts is compromised Christianity. So it comes back to the question of Who Jesus is to us, as individuals and as a church. Appreciate your article bro but it goes deeper. Pete — What about not holding hands? Or what about not going on dates at all? For me as a sister, I think reputation is important.
Another important factor is that there should be boundaries set. Why do I let a guy who is not my husband enjoy my sole company when we travel?! I have no need to sell myself short by giving away my favors so easily. But I think everything has its pros and cons. Even at the expense of them failing.
Christian dating vacation
I seem to sit on the fence on this issue because arguments on both ends are strong. The primary basis is to live above reproach.
One thus assumes that this holidaying alone activity is something reproachable. I like how you said obedience is not to be minimalistic. However, my take is that to the pure.
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