Dating someone who has been raped


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Survivors of partner rape often feel that they are to blame for the assault happening.


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They may feel guilty, ashamed, or responsible for keeping the assault a secret. This can lead to depression, anger, confusion and loss of confidence and self-esteem. According to Ministry of Justice statistics, 6. Any sex without consent is rape. Whether married or in a relationship with a person, no one has ownership of your body and your decisions about it but you.

There are many reasons why someone who is raped by their partner might not want to label it as such. There may be pain and confusion around identifying that someone they genuinely love has hurt them in such a way. No matter what the survivor calls it, sex without consent is never ok. When rape happens within an intimate relationship, the offender often knows other ways like threats or coercion to scare and subdue their partner.

HOPE to be connected with a trained staff member from a sexual assault service provider in your area.

Here's What It's Really Like to Date After Surviving a Sexual Assault

When you call Telephone Hotline Terms of Service. Calling the National Sexual Assault Hotline gives you access to a range of free services including:. The National Sexual Assault Hotline is a safe, confidential service. When you call the hotline, only the first six numbers of the phone number are used to route the call, and your complete phone number is never stored in our system.

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Most states do have laws that require local staff to contact authorities in certain situations, like if there is a child or vulnerable adult who is in danger. While almost all callers are connected directly to a staff member or volunteer at a local sexual assault service provider, a handful of providers use an answering service after daytime business hours. This service helps manage the flow of calls. If all staff members are busy, you may choose to leave a phone number with the answering service. Still, their relationship was doing OK, despite everything.

Lucy, however, was not. I had to figure me out. They broke up, and Lucy tried to do whatever she could to heal and move on. Mostly, that meant waiting. As the public dialogue about affirmative consent and sexual assault has grown louder, it's forced attention to issues that should have been under scrutiny long ago. But the conversation about sexual assault tends to overlook the myriad unique struggles survivors face as they try to build or maintain relationships in the wake of an assault.

Inevitably, sexual assault complicates most everything for at least a time — including survivors' sex lives. As [one survivor said], though, 'For victims, it's not that separate; one is going to impact the other.

My girlfriend was raped, how can I help her?

Sexual assault complicates most everything for at least a time — including survivors' sex lives. That was certainly true for Lucy, who avoided sex almost entirely after her assault. After she broke up with John, she didn't become intimate with anyone else for another two years, and she still struggled to feel comfortable with her sexuality.

A Guide for Survivors of Sexual Abuse , many rape victims do experience a natural aversion to sex for a time, while others experience exactly the opposite. Some might not feel any change at all.

Here's What It's Really Like to Date After Surviving a Sexual Assault

Periods of promiscuity are normal. So are periods of celibacy. For some survivors, pursuing physical intimacy shortly after an assault can seem like a positive way to regain control over their bodies. But while many survivors are indeed readily able to reclaim their sexuality through consensual sex, others use it as a potentially destructive coping mechanism. It doesn't matter what partner I have, I'm going to go out and have sex on my terms. I'm going to be the one in control.

Spouse/Partner rape

Marcel Wayne Anderson, who was brutally sexually assaulted while being held hostage by an unknown attacker in , learned that the hard way. Avoiding even more negative associations with sex often requires counseling, Maltz advised, as well as a near-endless supply of patience. But it can be a way of differentiating sex from rape, and having sex in a way that feels like it has more mutual respect and consent.

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